INFP Introverts: The 64-Color Box

“A somewhat strident message about why I write: If you think that money will protect you from potential pain and suffering, you are misguided. Money will certainly oil the wheels and give you a more comfortable ride but, when it comes to loss, pain, and suffering—when that hits, money will not get you out of it. Beauty fades, youth grows older, things change, success is relative. Love? Do you really know what that is? Have you gone beyond your own ego to find out? Do you know how many old people are fading away in geriatric homes, institutions, or stuck in some isolated little apartment somewhere? In this society, they are marginalised. They are out, finished. They are you/me/us some time down the line. If you are poor, who will value you? In this society, you count for almost nothing. If you are sick, or weak, or disabled in some way, will you be treated with respect, empathy, or dignity? And the religious institutions, the governments, the power brokers, the corporations, the media. Do they care? Are they compassionate? Are they humane, decent? We have our heads in the sand. I write to communicate what I truly feel. The outrage, the disappointment, the frustration, the sadness, the confusion. And I wonder—am I the only one who feels this way? Apparently not.” —Annie Lennox

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“I joke that I knew James before he was sensitive,” Danny Kortchmar chuckles affectionately, “but the truth is that James is the archetypal singer-songwriter. He’s the mould, as a solo artist backed by a consistent touring band, writing confessional songs before almost anybody—songs that remained personal even as they became universal. Dylan achieved the universal aspect, but not the personal vulnerability.

“Working and touring with James for decades, I used to want him to rock out more—until I realized that what he wanted to do was actually calm people in a unique, quirky way. His songs sound like the blues, like Christmas carols, and like a church choir too, yet it all essentially comes only from him.”

“Fundamentally,” Ike Taylor told this writer in 1981, “James is a retiring person who wants and is able to be in meaningful contact with other people. At the one-on-one level, his shyness interferes. Paradoxically, that shyness disappears on-stage. I see family allusions in much of his work and a core confidence in the rightness of exposing his inner self. ‘Fire And Rain,’ for instance, was a great expression of his sensitivity but also of his will.”

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“My son ministers through his music,” says Trudy Taylor. “He picks up the themes of what’s good in the past, and he gives them a unified clarity in the present.”

Source

“For me, I don’t have much direction or control over it. I don’t write or read music. But, generally speaking, I am visited by songs. They usually happen to me either while I’m sitting and playing guitar or sometimes when I’m driving the car. ‘Sweet Baby James’ happened while I was driving down south. You have to be ready to catch those things when they come, you know, ‘cause they’ll just fall right through and you’ll forget them. I write lots of songs that I guess you could call remedial, that are sort of therapeutic. Sometimes, I feel uncomfortable with that, as though they are too sticky and sentimental; but that’s what I do, that’s the kind of song I write.” —James Taylor

“People always feel compelled to sum you up, to presume that they have you and can describe you. But there are many stories inside of me and a lot I want to achieve outside of one flat note.” —H. Ledger

“I’m shy. People get confused. They think, as an actor you can get up and be confident on the screen. Why aren’t you like this in normal life? Why can’t you act in your social life? Because I can’t!” —H. Ledger

Shy, schizoid, and highly-sensitive are fuzzy terms often used interchangeably with introversion. They are not the same as introversion, but I think each word captures some important aspect of human experience. Let me define each of the terms so it isn’t so blurry and describe what each one illustrates. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy, schizoid, or highly-sensitive.

Introversion: This is a healthy capacity to tune into your inner world. It is a constructive and creative quality that is found in many independent thinkers whose contributions have enriched the world. Introverts have social skills, they like people, and they enjoy some types of socializing. However, party chit-chat depletes their energy while giving them little in return. Introverts enjoy one-on-one conversations, but group activities can be overstimulating and drain energy.

Shyness: Shyness is social-anxiety, an extreme self-consciousness when one is around people. It may have some genetic roots (in the form of a highly-reactive fear center), but it is usually learned from experiences at school, with friends, and in families. For some, it comes and goes at various ages and in certain situations. Shy people may feel uncomfortable with one-on-one conversations or in group situations. It is not an issue of energy; it is a lack of confidence in social situations. It is a fear of what others think of you. It produces sweating, shaking, red face or neck, racing heart, self-criticism, and a belief that people are laughing at you. It’s a feeling that you are the only person standing in a giant beam of a klieg light and you wish the floor would open up and swallow you. Shyness is not who you are (like introversion), it is what you think other people think you are, and therefore it is responsive to behavior change. Extroverts who need to be with others to refuel can suffer greatly if they are shy. The good news is that learning strategies to alter your behavior can significantly reduce shyness. I have included several practical books on shyness in the Bibliography at the end of this book. Try some of the suggestions in these books. They work.

Schizoid: People with this disorder live in a painful dilemma. They need relationships, yet they fear close involvement with other people. In most cases, the individuals have grown up in traumatizing and/or neglectful homes and have withdrawn or detached to avoid any more pain from human contact. The schizoid personality disorder is a common diagnosis in the mental health field. Too many psychotherapists confuse it with introversion and shyness, as if they were all the same thing. They’re not.

Highly-Sensitive: These are people who are born with a certain cluster of traits that is often described as a sixth sense. They are extremely perceptive, intuitive, and observant, with finer discrimination than most of us…

Our culture values and rewards the qualities of extroverts. America was built on rugged individualism and the importance of citizens speaking their minds. We value action, speed, competition, and drive.

It’s no wonder people are defensive about introversion. We live in a culture that has a negative attitude about reflection and solitude…

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MBTI: The 16 Types –> The Sixteen Types at a Glance
Take the Test –> Jung Typology Test

“Mommy, she’s embarrassing me! Make her stop, Plleeeze!” I sobbed. My mother, who was crammed awkwardly with two little girls in a tiny public bathroom, looked at me unsympathetically. “Meghan, she’s two, she isn’t going to stop.” My little sister, crouched down at the floor, head popped into the next stall, was pleasantly chatting with the nice lady with the misfortune of being trapped next to us. I wanted to disappear. My sister had no problem making new friends and talking to strangers. But to me, having someone’s attention, especially unwanted and unsolicited attention, was beyond mortifying.

That bathroom incident was the first time I can remember being aware of my own self-consciousness. My sister’s casual approach to making new friends was so foreign to me that even being in her presence while she gleefully introduced herself to anyone who would listen was difficult to take. This awareness of self, and desire to focus inward, is what characterizes me as an introvert, and this self-awareness is one of the things that gives me the strength to succeed today.

So many times in my life I wanted to disappear, to become invisible. Social events, family gatherings, and even average school days were uncomfortable for me, and over time I developed a habit in these situations of sneaking off to a quiet place to regroup. I grew up with people excusing my antisocial behavior with comments such as, “oh, she’s just shy.” But being shy is more about being timid, easily frightened, and tentative in committing oneself. Shyness and introversion will often go hand-in-hand, but they are not the same thing.

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For all the things shyness is, there are a number of things it’s not. For one, it’s not simple introversion. If you stay home on a Friday night just because you prefer a good book to a loud party, you’re not necessarily shy–not unless the prospect of the party makes you so anxious that what you’re really doing is avoiding it. “Shyness is a greater than normal tension or uncertainty when we’re with strangers,” says psychologist Jerome Kagan of Harvard University. “Shy people are more likely to be introverts, but introverts are not all shy.”

Continue reading “Secrets of the Shy”, “Shy? Or Something More Serious?”, “Shyness, the New Solution”