INFP Introverts: The 64-Color Box

Sponge-like people absorb whatever is in their environment. They readily take in what’s around them and think they have no choice but to become like the people around them. Sponge-like people see themselves as victims. They think like victims, i.e. “You made me the depressed person I’ve become!” “What can I do? I had no choice.” “If I were to do what is important to me, you would be upset with me.”

Unlike sponge-like people, stone-like people are seemingly immune to their environment. They are cold and distant. They appear to be unfeeling. They seem to be apathetic and indifferent to the feelings, needs, and desires of the people in their lives. Nothing seems to faze them. Stone-like people are emotionally-repressed people. They are neither in tune with, nor aware of, their own feelings and emotional needs. They have cut themselves off from their deeper feelings. Consequently, they are hardly mindful of the feelings, needs and desires of the people in their lives.

Unlike sponge-like and stone-like people, sugar-like people are involved people. Often, they are a pain to both stone-like and sponge-like people. They nag, cajole, scream at, or sensitively nudge, encourage or challenge the stone-like people to come out of their shells, to own up to their feelings and needs and start relating to others. They encourage sponge-like people to stop blaming, to give up the attitude of inertia, and to start taking responsibility for their lives. They light candles instead of cursing the darkness. They know life can be better, people can be more caring, and we all can be more loving. They are determined to leave their world a little better place than how they found it.

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“What can you do about your own personality? After all, you are who you are. Carl Jung said that we are born with a ‘true personality type’ and stuck with it for life. Whether that’s so or not, a personality is a raw thing and therefore a ‘work in progress.’ What we do with it is up to us and will determine the direction and success of our life because our personality largely determines our attitude.

“Regardless of what we start with, over our lifetime our personality can remain immature and become atrophied, or it can mature and grow to reach its potential. Let me give you a simple example. An immature extrovert will continue to use his/her behavioural preferences to elevate her/himself at the expense of others—often by putting others down. On the other hand, a mature extrovert will endeavour to build others up and allow them space to grow and develop, to the advantage of all.

“Similarly, an immature introvert will seek to withdraw, to hide and will become self-absorbed. Conversely, the mature introvert will usually seek to include others and to use his/her own introspection to help others become more self-analytical. Whether extrovert or introvert, the mature personality develops positive attitudes which encompass those around them.” —Adam Le Good

A person may be chronologically-mature, but emotionally-immature. A person may also be intellectually-mature, but emotionally-immature. There is no correlation between chronological age, intellectual age, social age, or emotional age. Just because someone is “grown-up” by chronological age doesn’t mean they are “grown-up” emotionally.

Chronological-maturity and intellectual-maturity combined with emotional-immaturity is not uncommon—and potentially dangerous. A person whose body and mind is adult, but whose emotional development is that of a child can wreak havoc in the lives of others as well as himself.

Your relationships are dependent upon your total emotional development. The best way to understand your relationships is to understand yourself. A relationship is only as well-adjusted as the two participants. The single most important task for any person wishing to improve his relationships is to increase his self-esteem and emotional maturity. To determine the level of your emotional maturity, compare your behavior to the symptoms of emotional immaturity and the characteristics of emotional maturity.

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The Awakening:
By Sonny Carroll

I actually began writing this piece in 1996, shortly after coming out of a long drawn-out and painful breakup. I was a total mess. My life was in shambles and as I tried to make some sense of what had happened, and why, I began to write “The Awakening.” This piece is a compilation of all the lessons I learned and the observations I made about myself, about other people and their relationships, and of the wisdom that my most dear friend has shared with me over countless cups of tea.

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Intelligent conversation is one of life’s pleasures. I love nothing better than to engage in conversation with someone who has ideas to share, different perspectives, and is interesting. An intelligent conversation is food for the brain. All too sadly, not everyone can carry on an intelligent conversation. This has less to do with their intelligence quotient (IQ) than with their emotional quotient (EQ). Only a self-aware, self-confident person with excellent social skills has the ability to engage in intelligent conversation.

Intelligent conversation happens when people come together with a win/win attitude, don’t try to change anyone’s opinion, and are open to new ideas. Intelligent conversation is the bridge to greater understanding. People engage in intelligent conversation for no other reason but to explore, discover, and learn. There is no other agenda.

People who struggle with, or cannot hold, an intelligent conversation come with an agenda. They want to thrust their ideas onto others, get their point across, and will resort to personal attacks if necessary. They come with a win/lose mentality and are not interested in learning and discovering. His or her idea is the only one that matters, and anyone who doesn’t agree is a threat. Intelligent conversation with these types of people is impossible and dangerous.

There are times when we can be in the middle of what we think is an intelligent conversation and discover that we are not. Don’t try to deal rationally with such a person. It won’t work. Their only concern is themselves and their ideas. If they feel threatened in anyway, they will attack. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the discussion. It is possible to continue the conversation. Just know it won’t be an intelligent one.

Don’t assume everyone wants an intelligent conversation. There are people who are not capable. That doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to converse with them. It just means that the conversation will be shallow and meaningless, which can be all right at times. Not every conversation has to be enlightening.

Source

Self-knowledge leads to wisdom, compassion and freedom. Learned people (scholars, professors, intellectuals, professionals, etc.) who do not know themselves are really unintelligent, unbalanced individuals; they are not free from ignorance, delusion and suffering, from self-centered craving and attachment. In self-understanding, there is the whole of existence. Life itself is our greatest teacher. The more we learn about life, the more we learn about ourselves.

When I returned to Canada, I experienced horrendous reverse culture shock. I was so open and childlike, and profoundly affected and transformed by my experiences in India and Nepal that I felt very vulnerable to the realities and superficialities of modern, materialistic society.

After being in a culture where communication in public was easy and effortless, I found people quite self-centered, isolated and lonely, and shopping in supermarkets terribly cold and impersonal. It seemed really amazing that one could buy a lot of groceries, go through the checkout counter, pay your money, and not have to utter a single word. In Asia, it is the human contact that is important, the product that you are purchasing is secondary; in modern society it is the product and its cost that are important, human contact is secondary, seemingly unimportant.

I found the environment very sterile, uninteresting, superficial and isolating. I just wanted to turn around and return to South Asia, to the ancient, exotic, mystical, and very human culture of India and Nepal. I felt like a fish out of water, but I could not afford to return.

It was a time for healing and deep introspection.

Excerpt: “An Inquiring Mind’s Journey”