INFP Introverts: The 64-Color Box

Old souls have a universal perspective. They are not so much involved in family issues like Child souls, or tribal issues like Juvenile souls, or national issues like Young souls, or global issues like Mature souls. Old souls see the cosmic picture. Old souls see themselves and others as parts of a larger system—another Synthesis Process perception. Their attention is on the workings of this system. They see how all parts of the system relate to each other rather than getting lost in the petty details. The depth of wisdom of Old souls shows in their eyes. They have a direct, penetrating stare—it looks right through you, seeming to know. Profound issues are their concern, not the trivial. In their efficiency, they want to get right to the heart of the matter and skip all the superficialities.

When old souls “party,” they usually sit around and just talk. In dating situations, they do not need to go anywhere (like to a movie) or do anything (like play games) as a means to developing social intimacy. If the basis for psychological intimacy is not quickly apparent to the old soul, he will not put himself through much trouble to develop it. It is difficult for old souls to weld unions with people that they have not been together with in numerous past lifetimes.

Continue reading “The Old Soul Age”

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what I’m really looking for is the 64-color box with the sharpener on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s okay, though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem, though, in that I only seem to meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation. So, when I meet someone who’s an 8-color type I’m like, ‘Hey girl, magenta!’ and she’s like, ‘Oh, you mean purple!’ and she goes off on her purple thing, and I’m like, ‘No…I want magenta!’” —John Mayer

The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I wrote the prose poem, “The Invitation,” one night after returning home from a party. It came in a quiet moment late at night when tiredness stopped my head from censoring the words that flowed from my heart onto the page. I don’t usually attend parties but, on this occasion—berating myself for being antisocial—I made an effort to go and be friendly. I returned home feeling frustrated, dissatisfied with the superficial level of the social interaction at the party. I longed for something else.

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“Cafe Bastille. I strike up a conversation but there seems to be no real interest. Words are spoken but elicit no exchange. I let it drop. The smell of food, the noise of the kitchen, the colors of the bottles in back of the bar, the polished glasses; on the walls, Picasso, Toulouse Latrec—fullness of the senses but not a word of expression. The void in the middle of the feast. Or the appearance of the feast. Communion withheld. I sometimes run into people who have no interest in other people or conversation. I can’t see where they are at, if they are at anything. If you are living in the country, I can understand this. You go down to the creek, take a slow walk, contemplate. But the city is people. If you have no interest in people, you have no interest in anything. Well, maybe art, architecture, music, food. But it is conversation, a dialog, that ties it together, declares its value. So when I run into someone who has no interest in conversation, it seems like I have run into the living dead. They are walking about, doing a job, but they are really in the grave.” —Louis Martin

“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them—words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it.  That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.” —Stephen King

“On the whole, people don’t tell you to ‘lighten up’ because they’re concerned for your emotional well-being. They do it because they are uncomfortable with your feelings and because they don’t really want to go where you are.

“Because we all really only know what it’s like inside our own heads, it can take a while to figure out how you are different from other people. It’s taken me a long time to realize that I am, to a larger degree than normal, serious, passionate, imaginative and emotionally intense. Why is this something I’ve been shamed for?”

Continue reading “I Don’t Lighten Up”

“Ever since I was a tiny girl, I’ve been the kind of person who feels joy so intensely that it hurts. I would lie in bed, age 6, and press my hand down on my heart when I was really really happy because it felt like my heart would come out of my chest. When I’ve been in love with someone, that’s what it feels like.

“I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

“If I can’t love someone like that, if I have to ‘tone it down’ in order to get a mate, then obviously love is not for me. Because I can’t. I can’t tone it down. I have the presence of mind to know that that very intensity is really the best thing about me, and if I have a gift to give? It is THAT. And I can’t compartmentalize it - although I have tried that too.”

Continue reading “Me and Salieri”

“It can be of enormous benefit when one is sitting in the darkness of the soul, feeling isolated, shut out and cut off, to know that there are other people like us in the world; that we are not alone in the universe.”

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate to others the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible. If a man knows more than others, he becomes lonely.” —Carl Jung

“Emma, in seventh grade, was deeply moved by a television program about the Czechoslovakian struggle for freedom from the U.S.S.R. She lay awake most of the night and the next morning she started, haltingly, to describe to some of the other girls in her class the pain and bewilderment of the Czechoslovakian women. The other girls looked her up and down, raised their eyebrows, and ostentatiously walked away. Emma realized her ‘mistake,’ and the next day she engaged the girls in a spirited conversation about clothes and make-up. They accepted her back…”

Continue reading “The ‘Me’ Behind the Mask”

“I’m sought after and well-liked by the campers; in this particular instance, I’m coming to see that the conversations that I have with them are shallow, brief, and come to no conclusions besides, ‘You’re so funny! Let’s take a picture!’ And, when I try to ask them what’s going on with their group or home life, for the most part I get puzzled looks and quick attempts to back out of the conversation. Sometimes I have a good conversation, but they’re few and far between. I’m plagued with a desire to dig deeper into them but seem to have no way to. Therefore, I’m tempted more and more by the green room, my computer, and my journal; loneliness.”

Continue reading “To Be Young, Gifted, and Lonely”

“I travelled solo to Spain and was staying for one month so I posted a note for a travelling companion. I got a response from a man (gay and perfect!) who could meet up and travel with me. We got along really well but he went to Greece while I had another five days of holiday left. I never thought I would feel disoriented and alone on my first trip to Europe but there I was feeling really blue. I was getting so desperate that I even tried to change my return ticket, but…”

Continue reading “She Deals With Loneliness on the Road”

“Learning to use loneliness rather than avoiding or fearing it can be an important means of increasing personal power. Many gifted adults are lonely because of a lack of true peers. Feeling comfortable with oneself, having a wide variety of interests, knowing that there are some people who value at least parts of themselves, and viewing lonely times as a chance of further self-care and self-exploration, are ways of growing in personal power.”

Continue reading “Can You Hear the Flowers Sing?”

Intelligent conversation is one of life’s pleasures. I love nothing better than to engage in conversation with someone who has ideas to share, different perspectives, and is interesting. An intelligent conversation is food for the brain. All too sadly, not everyone can carry on an intelligent conversation. This has less to do with their intelligence quotient (IQ) than with their emotional quotient (EQ). Only a self-aware, self-confident person with excellent social skills has the ability to engage in intelligent conversation.

Intelligent conversation happens when people come together with a win/win attitude, don’t try to change anyone’s opinion, and are open to new ideas. Intelligent conversation is the bridge to greater understanding. People engage in intelligent conversation for no other reason but to explore, discover, and learn. There is no other agenda.

People who struggle with, or cannot hold, an intelligent conversation come with an agenda. They want to thrust their ideas onto others, get their point across, and will resort to personal attacks if necessary. They come with a win/lose mentality and are not interested in learning and discovering. His or her idea is the only one that matters, and anyone who doesn’t agree is a threat. Intelligent conversation with these types of people is impossible and dangerous.

There are times when we can be in the middle of what we think is an intelligent conversation and discover that we are not. Don’t try to deal rationally with such a person. It won’t work. Their only concern is themselves and their ideas. If they feel threatened in anyway, they will attack. The best thing you can do is remove yourself from the discussion. It is possible to continue the conversation. Just know it won’t be an intelligent one.

Don’t assume everyone wants an intelligent conversation. There are people who are not capable. That doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to converse with them. It just means that the conversation will be shallow and meaningless, which can be all right at times. Not every conversation has to be enlightening.

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“A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other’s individual natures—behind their facades—and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension—seeing and loving them for who they could be and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are. A soul connection not only inspires us to expand but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion.” —John Welwood

“The potential ways in which an INFP can irritate others include: avoiding conflict and not giving forthright criticism when it is needed…”*

“INFPs do not like conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical.”*

“INFPs seldom confront situations directly, in part because they do not like conflict.”*

“They have unconsciously diminished their presence in order to find a niche in their family and a place in the world. To be seen and heard, they feel they must take care of, or bend around, others.” Read Full Article

“I’m melting! I’m melting. Who would have thought that some little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?!” —Wicked Witch to Dorothy

“I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it’s hell.” —Harry Truman

“‘People are afraid of me,’ says [Sandra] Bernhard, when I mention that some people really dislike her. ‘People don’t like the truth. They don’t like to be called on their bullshit. They’d rather be nice. They’d rather hide behind the pretension of being nice and being nice doesn’t really get you anywhere in this world. It’s a cop-out. It always has been. Being nice is bullshit. Being real, being concerned, being passionate, loving, all comes from very strong emotions.’” —Jonathan Van Meter

“Comfort is no test of truth; on the contrary, truth is often far from being comfortable.” —Swami Vevekananda

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” —Winston Churchill

“Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides.” —Margaret Thatcher

“Every now and then when you’re onstage, you hear the best sound a player can hear. It’s a sound you can’t get in movies or in television. It is the sound of a wonderful, deep silence that means you’ve hit them where they live.” —Shelley Winters

“If I was president, I’d get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday, and buried on Sunday.” —Wyclef Jean

“I love you and, because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” —Pietro Aretino

“I’m constantly asked about my life and why I worked in Amsterdam, or lived in Germany, or graduated from high school in Switzerland, or hung out in Africa as a 17 year old kid, or met my soulmate, Steuart. My answer is always the same: ‘Wait and read my book…’ That book has been in the offing for several years now, but I’m always putting it off for one reason or another, until recently. Over the years, I’ve written about 100 pages and am now trying to figure out how to write the book of my life and all the people in it, without ticking off all the ‘famous’ folk that I know by writing what I really think/know about them—not what they want the world to think. The other day I told Steuart I think I have to wait for all these people to die first—or I’ll have to be dead before the book is published to avoid the outrage some of my experiences will evoke. People don’t like the truth. They don’t like to be told they are petty and jealous, especially when they are petty and jealous. But in the words of one of my idols, Sandra Boynton, ‘everyone’s entitled to my opinion’ and so the book will be written. I just have to decide if it’s going to be fiction or not. Maybe a combination, thereof, to really drive my detractors crazy.” —Jane Dewar

Related: Much Ado About Nothing, Are You Invisible?, The Challenge of Setting Boundaries, Bully Online, Thru the Looking Glass

Why did you start writing poems?

Jewel: My ability to articulate verbally has never been that strong. I’ve always been a bit shy. For me, poetry was the way I became intimate with myself. To tell you the truth, I’ve felt uncomfortable being in pop music, especially because I’d really made a folk album. It was just me singing with an acoustic guitar. I don’t think it gets much more folk than that. The radio singles were remixed but the album was basically the three chords I knew when I was 19 and I was afraid the world would come to know me just the way the media portrayed me—as this Alaskan, raised by wolves in an igloo (laughs).

Songwriting is the one thing that probably comes the most natural to me more than anything else in my life. I can write a song easier than I can talk to a person. It’s fast the way the lyrics and melody come together. Usually, as long as a song is is how long it takes me to write a song.

I don’t care where I am. I don’t believe in people who can only write in the sunshine or in the window. This isn’t like you wet your finger and wait for the wind to blow right. You know when you’re a writer and I think you should be able to tap into that whether you are at an airport or hotel room or whatever. I think people who are insecure with their writing tend to need the light to be just right and the mood to be right for them to relax. I’ve been writing for a long time. It’s like second nature for me. I’m not as good at talking, but I can express myself very easily through my writing.

Singing in bars, and seeing what goes on in seedy dives from a very young age could have ruined me but, instead, it made me get fascinated by people and want to record people’s emotional history, see what motivates us, see what motivates me.

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