October 31, 2007
Red Flags and Pink Elephants
“What I realized was that I had come from several generations of victimized women and abusive men. Though the cast of characters may change, the repetitive cycle of toxic behavior can remain for generations on end. The family drama may look and sound different from generation to generation, but all toxic patterns are remarkably similar in outcome: pain and suffering.
“Maybe the reason you can’t see red flags or pink elephants is because you grew up in a toxic family environment where red flags or pink elephants were the norm. I, personally, couldn’t see the red flags of toxic relationships because I grew up saluting those red flags every day.
“As a matter of fact, I saluted and pledged allegiance to those red flags everyday. I could not see the big pink elephant because the pink elephant was the family pet. I took the pink elephant for walks every day. I fed that pink elephant every day. I cleaned up after the pink elephant that wasn’t house broken. I loved the pink elephant. This was the cycle of toxic behavior that I was involved in.
“I loved my family. I grew up and left home. When I decided to get married, I went looking for a woman who had—red flags and pink elephants. If a woman did not have red flags and pink elephants, I didn’t feel at home with her. How could I marry a woman who didn’t feel like home or family? To me, these red flags and pink elephants weren’t warning signs. These where signs that were leading me home. However, these signs were leading me into the same types of toxic relationships that’ve run in my family from generation to generation.”
—Michael Eaton
