INFP Introverts: The 64-Color Box

“The way toward wholeness is made of wrong turns and fateful detours.” —Carl Jung

“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.” —Ramona L. Anderson

“I know the potential of my depth scares most people because for many years it terrified me. I would shop, sleep, drink, use drugs, travel, work, eat, jog, flirt, go to bars, dance, have sex, go to school, have hobbies, read books, get married, have a child, quit work, fast…anything just to avoid getting to know my inner self.

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“Until recently, I have always attracted myself to superficial people—an obvious mirror reflection of myself at the time. Because the power within myself scared me, I allowed myself to choose external distractions while avoiding getting to know my internal self.

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“This is just one of the many reasons I chose to become a writer. To sit down and discuss subjects like this with others face-to-face is draining on both of us. Writing allows enough food for thought to others and myself without becoming a hefty tax on the energy supplies and provides a safe, non-threatening forum whereby the reader can put the message down at any time and return to it when he or she is ready. Writing puts boundaries on our fears and acts as a protective barrier against mental, emotional, physical and spiritual stress.”

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“I think modern society—especially in the United States—has a set of biases that make it difficult for sensitive men to learn about, and come to terms with, their sensitivity. Apart from those who simply ignore the possibility that they might be a HSM, I think there are also significant numbers who may be aware of their sensitivity, but are hesitant or afraid that anyone else might find out. Sadly, I get the sense that most HS men live lives of quiet suffering—many choosing to ‘narcoticize’ the pain of not fitting in with alcohol, drugs, or other addictions. Maybe you’re an HSM, reading these words. And maybe you’ll recognize yourself, somewhere in all this. In retrospect, I can now look at many ‘choice points’ in my life where my being a HSM had an influence on the…”

Continue reading “Highly-Sensitive Men: The Hidden HSPs?”

“Alcoholism is something that affects the entire fabric of your life. Its long-reaching tendrils always find you and tightly twine themselves into your thoughts, feelings and actions. They define and color all of your life in a way that leaves you feeling like life is a constant flat tire. The air is always leaking out no matter how many times you try and patch it or replace it. Your life does not travel on a smooth road because of it, but is constantly bumping itself from side to side.

“It is not true that children ‘forget’ as they grow. If anything, those memories are vividly cemented into place for life, complete with the original feelings, fears, hate, resentments, confusion, inability to function and reason, inability to feel good about oneself, the inability to trust yourself or others, and the ability to remain invisible. It becomes a lifetime job to undo what was caused by living with an alcoholic parent and, often, the struggle to overcome it can leave you as exhausted and deflated as a flattened old tire. It takes phenomenal strength to fight your way to a healthy life, forgive the past, and grow into an adult who has finally become whole and able to extinguish the anguished voice of the child who fought to survive.”

Continue reading “Adult Children of Alcoholics”

“What I realized was that I had come from several generations of victimized women and abusive men. Though the cast of characters may change, the repetitive cycle of toxic behavior can remain for generations on end. The family drama may look and sound different from generation to generation, but all toxic patterns are remarkably similar in outcome: pain and suffering.

“Maybe the reason you can’t see red flags or pink elephants is because you grew up in a toxic family environment where red flags or pink elephants were the norm. I, personally, couldn’t see the red flags of toxic relationships because I grew up saluting those red flags every day.

“As a matter of fact, I saluted and pledged allegiance to those red flags everyday. I could not see the big pink elephant because the pink elephant was the family pet. I took the pink elephant for walks every day. I fed that pink elephant every day. I cleaned up after the pink elephant that wasn’t house broken. I loved the pink elephant. This was the cycle of toxic behavior that I was involved in.

“I loved my family. I grew up and left home. When I decided to get married, I went looking for a woman who had—red flags and pink elephants. If a woman did not have red flags and pink elephants, I didn’t feel at home with her. How could I marry a woman who didn’t feel like home or family? To me, these red flags and pink elephants weren’t warning signs. These where signs that were leading me home. However, these signs were leading me into the same types of toxic relationships that’ve run in my family from generation to generation.”

—Michael Eaton