INFP Introverts: The 64-Color Box

“INFPs are the idealistic dreamers among the types. They usually retain their sense of wonder and are likely to view the world as full of extraordinary experiences which others seem to miss. With nearly limitless compassion and understanding of others, INFPs can often see good in those who other types might find abhorrent. INFPs deeply resonate with the feelings of others, and this can sometimes…

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“INFPs often come to view themselves as too fanciful and flawed in some way—rather than just rare, which at 1-3% of the population they are.

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“INFPs may be described by acquaintances as somewhat cool and distant, but their close friends will recognize their sympathy and depth of feeling.”

Continue reading “Psychological Type Description: INFP”

“If you have attempted to fit whatever mold and failed to do so, you are probably lucky. You may be an exile of some sort, but you have sheltered your soul. There is an odd phenomenon that occurs when one keeps trying to fit and fails. Even though the outcast is driven away, she is, at the same time, driven right into the arms of her psychic and true kin, whether these be a course of study, an art form, or a group of people. It is worse to stay where one does not belong at all than to wander about lost for a while and looking for the psychic and soulful kinship one requires. It is never a mistake to search for what one requires. Never.” —Clarissa Pinkola Estes

“Sometimes I think of us as society’s canaries. I expect you all remember the stories of what happened in the mines in the 19th century. The little canary was taken down the mines in a cage. If the air was putrid (the system stunk), the little bird would die and this would be a warning sign for the miners to get out. Sometimes we, too, take on the attributes of the canary. We are likely to feel bad air perhaps before anyone else has even noticed that the windows are shut. We are likely to get sick and, sometimes, this can be on behalf of so-called normal people. I like to describe us in a positive way by indicating that we are the exquisitely sensitive ones. If you listen to us you may learn something about the air…” —Merinda Epstein

“MBTI types INFP and INFJ are the predominant types in the HSP community…”*

“I have the same problem as Marilyn. We attract people the way honey does bees but they’re generally the wrong kind of people. People who want something from us—if only our energy. We need a period of being alone to become ourselves.” —Montgomery Clift

Empaths not only pick up others’ emotions, they can project emotions that will get picked up by those on the same frequency, as well…

The word “empathy” derives from the Greek words “empatheia” meaning “passion” and “pathein” meaning “to experience, suffer.” According to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, “Empathy is the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.”

As humans, our empathic skills are always turned on—as with all things, we just need to be open to receiving the messages. It’s like a radio; it may be playing, but are you listening?

If you are a healer, you are always adjusting your frequency like an antenna—just as an empath does—to help others. Not all empaths are sympathetic. Empaths feel emotions of others but do not have to feel sympathy for them. Empaths, for the most part, are compassionate though—with a desire to heal and help others.

One can be an empath from childhood. They are called natural empaths who inherit this ability allowing them to experience in higher frequency of awareness. Some people develop their empathic abilities later in life when they are more aware. Most are right-brained in the sense of using the creative intuitive side of the brain—people who use higher frequencies to connect.

Strong empaths must learn how to discern their own emotions from someone else’s.

There are degrees of empathic abilities which vary from empath to empath. Empaths are always sensitive people.

Empaths not only pick up others’ emotions, they can project emotions that will get picked up by those on the same frequency, as well.

We all have certain degrees of empathic abilities. By this I mean we all have the ability to adjust our emotional bodies with that of someone we are close to—especially if there is a love connection. This does not have to be a romantic connection. When you live with someone—or just love them—you can align your emotional body with theirs and feel their pain. The pain can be physical or emotional.

Being empathic means become one with someone or something else. You can connect with plants, animals, just about anything including the universe itself. It is almost a form of remote viewing. You can read emotions and thoughts through vibrational frequency.

Being able to empathize with people often helps you deal with them. You know what to say and do to keep balanced.

Physical Empathy: One can take on the pain of another, especially in the case of twins, their frequencies are often linked.

Emotional Empathy: Most empaths are more attuned to emotions than thoughts. To be an emotional empath is to experience the emotions of others, the positive and negative, pain and suffering and as well as love and compassion.

We become emotional empaths when we watch a film or TV show. We return to soap operas and TV series such as the latest series of reality shows as part of being emotional empaths. Positive people will hope for a positive outcome in the storyline. For negative people it will be the opposite.

Most of us can turn our empathic abilities on and off as we tape in to the frequencies. But, for others, they seem to have no control over what they experience. Those in control embrace the subject and those not in control feel a loss of power and hate it.

Under stress, awareness is heightened as well as empathic abilities. It is best to pause and go back to the emotions you experienced before the negative ones surfaced—then detach.

If you have empathic gifts, you also want to understand and control what is happening to you—to manage your empathic abilities and not become overwhelmed.

The TV series Star Trek had an episode called “The Empath,” about an alien woman with empathic abilities. The lesson in the program was about overcoming one’s fears. Fears paralyze us, which creates more fear.

To increase empathic abilities, you most open the “right side” of your brain, moving the logical mind aside. Begin with something creative—art, listening to music, meditation, yoga, writing for pleasure, being in nature or in the water, etc.

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“INFPs are very aware of social injustice and empathize with the underdog. Their empathy for the underdog and hyper-awareness of social injustice makes them extremely compassionate and nurturing…”*

“A key word for this type is empathy. INFP children will often be the ones to ask their parents why they didn’t give the homeless man spare change, or why that woman is crying.”*

“…the INFP internally feels his or her life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. The INFP does not devote their intense feelings towards just anyone, and are relatively reserved about expressing their inner-most feelings. They reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few who are closest to them.”*

“INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity.”*

“The potential ways in which an INFP can irritate others include: avoiding conflict and not giving forthright criticism when it is needed…”*

“INFPs do not like conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical.”*

“INFPs seldom confront situations directly, in part because they do not like conflict.”*

“They have unconsciously diminished their presence in order to find a niche in their family and a place in the world. To be seen and heard, they feel they must take care of, or bend around, others.” Read Full Article

“I’m melting! I’m melting. Who would have thought that some little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?!” —Wicked Witch to Dorothy

“I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it’s hell.” —Harry Truman

“‘People are afraid of me,’ says [Sandra] Bernhard, when I mention that some people really dislike her. ‘People don’t like the truth. They don’t like to be called on their bullshit. They’d rather be nice. They’d rather hide behind the pretension of being nice and being nice doesn’t really get you anywhere in this world. It’s a cop-out. It always has been. Being nice is bullshit. Being real, being concerned, being passionate, loving, all comes from very strong emotions.’” —Jonathan Van Meter

“Comfort is no test of truth; on the contrary, truth is often far from being comfortable.” —Swami Vevekananda

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” —Winston Churchill

“Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides.” —Margaret Thatcher

“Every now and then when you’re onstage, you hear the best sound a player can hear. It’s a sound you can’t get in movies or in television. It is the sound of a wonderful, deep silence that means you’ve hit them where they live.” —Shelley Winters

“If I was president, I’d get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday, and buried on Sunday.” —Wyclef Jean

“I love you and, because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” —Pietro Aretino

“I’m constantly asked about my life and why I worked in Amsterdam, or lived in Germany, or graduated from high school in Switzerland, or hung out in Africa as a 17 year old kid, or met my soulmate, Steuart. My answer is always the same: ‘Wait and read my book…’ That book has been in the offing for several years now, but I’m always putting it off for one reason or another, until recently. Over the years, I’ve written about 100 pages and am now trying to figure out how to write the book of my life and all the people in it, without ticking off all the ‘famous’ folk that I know by writing what I really think/know about them—not what they want the world to think. The other day I told Steuart I think I have to wait for all these people to die first—or I’ll have to be dead before the book is published to avoid the outrage some of my experiences will evoke. People don’t like the truth. They don’t like to be told they are petty and jealous, especially when they are petty and jealous. But in the words of one of my idols, Sandra Boynton, ‘everyone’s entitled to my opinion’ and so the book will be written. I just have to decide if it’s going to be fiction or not. Maybe a combination, thereof, to really drive my detractors crazy.” —Jane Dewar

Related: Much Ado About Nothing, Are You Invisible?, The Challenge of Setting Boundaries, Bully Online, Thru the Looking Glass

“David Keirsey proposes the Dolphin as the totem animal for NFs. Dolphins use their powerful and complex sonar system (intuition) to navigate and feel their way through this world. Their sonar is very dependable, but sometimes interference—from both outside and within—plays havoc with their sensors and they receive scrambled signals. Sonar is the dolphin’s life-force. Dolphins are affiliative creatures, and mate for life. Sharks are the dolphin’s natural enemies. But dolphins can take out the sharks by swimming underneath them and knocking them out.”*

“All of this trip reminded me of Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being—both a great book and a great film (because it is so true to the book). Sometimes, being dark can be too painful for other people. To feel deeply, as the Binoche character in the film version does, is both a boon and a burden. To feel deeply is to have the capacity for both immense joy and immense sorrow. What one learns is that such emotions can be easily manipulated by others, as Binoche’s are by Tomas. What a shame that she didn’t know that, unless a relationship or circumstance makes you thrive, then you shouldn’t bother because, for those who feel deeply, it is a death sentence—or may be. What I had to learn as someone who feels deeply, too, is that being light can indeed be unbearable because it brings with it its opposite great darkness; many want your lights but few want your darks.” —Sadi Ranson-Polizzotti

“Highly creative, artistic and spiritual, they can produce wonderful works of art, music and literature. INFPs are natural artists.”

“Creative individuals are remarkable for their ability to adapt to almost any situation and to make do with whatever is at hand to reach their goals. If I had to express in one word what makes their personalities different from others, it’s complexity. They show tendencies of thought and action that, in most people, are segregated. They contain contradictory extremes; instead of being an ‘individual,’ each of them is a ‘multitude.’”

Continue reading “The Creative Personality”

“An INFP is a perfectionist who will rarely allow themselves to feel successful, although they will be keenly aware of failures.”*

Pathological vs. Positive Perfectionism
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Perfectionism has, sadly, been hyperpathologized by most mental health professionals, and hence, by popular culture at large. But such unequivocal vilification is unwarranted. 

Perfectionism is, in its purest and most benevolent form, a search for beauty, truth and goodness. Perfectionism is an inner calling to find and fulfill one’s destiny; to realize one’s potential; to pursue vigorously one’s unique vocation. According to the Oxford American Dictionary, vocation is “a feeling that one is called by God to a certain career or occupation.” 

But this feeling of being “called” doesn’t need to be couched in theological terms. It can be seen also as a secular calling, a strong proclivity or inclination of the self toward a particular type of work, trade or profession. 

In either case, when we, like the biblical Jonah, find the requisite courage to follow that inner “voice” of vocation, it is likely to lead us toward competency in our chosen field. When, on the other hand, we refuse the call, as did Jonah initially, we will likely wind up doing some kind of work about which we have no real passion. 

There is a relationship between passion and perfectionism.

Perfectionism is a form of passion. It is an expression of one’s passion for a particular vocation. For balance, form, harmony and wholeness. When one has passion for one’s work, perfectionism is the natural and normal expression of that passion. This is the positive, constructive type of perfectionism.

Positive perfectionism is not, as some assume, the compulsive worship of order and neatness, as we so often see in obsessive-compulsive disorder. This sort of pathological perfectionism is a neurotic denial of life’s inherent imperfection, and a vain attempt to fend off chaos, messiness, disease, suffering, anxiety and, finally, death itself. 

Neurotic, negative or pathological perfectionism can, in fact, impede creativity and competence. Placing unrealistic expectations and demands on one’s own work or that of others is fraught with problems ranging from resentment, shame and erosion of self-esteem, to blocked creativity due to fear of producing anything less than perfect.  

In such cases, psychotherapy can be helpful in accepting and embracing life’s pervasive imperfection. It is a perfectly imperfect world in which we live, inhabited by imperfect beings. 

Perfectionism, when not taken to neurotic extremes, acknowledges the inexorable reality and primacy of imperfection while at the same time heroically striving toward perfection nonetheless.

Non-pathological or positive perfectionism accepts its human limitations and the ultimate impossibility of attaining or sustaining perfection.

What the healthy or constructive perfectionist does is labor as passionately and perfectionistically as possible on a project, knowing all the while that he or she is destined to fail; but that despite the inevitability of failure, something good, something positive, something new, something worthwhile, something meaningful can come of the futile effort.

And, for the healthy, positive perfectionist, this makes the frustrating, arduous and sometimes tedious journey toward certain defeat a worthwhile and triumphant failure.

Watching reruns of “Seinfeld” that you’ve seen a dozen times. Bidding on eBay. Reading magazines and tabloids for celebrity gossip. Collecting knickknacks. Checking game scores on ESPN. Watching CNN during most of your waking hours. In dribs and drabs, habits like these consume our days.

Judith Wright says spending our time like that costs us much more in hours and dollars than we think. The Chicago-based life coach and author has a name for such time- or money-wasters: soft addictions.

The problem with soft addictions, she says, is: “We end up eventually spending thousands of hours, and maybe thousands of dollars, on them. Then we hit a certain point in our lives and we wonder: Where has it all gone? Where has my life gone?”

Continue reading…

There were two men, both seriously ill. One man was allowed to sit up in bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military, where they’d been on vacation. Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods when his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by; though the other man couldn’t hear the band, he could see it in his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and, after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it for himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”

Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow but happiness, when shared, is doubled.

—Anonymous